Writing Assignment #9, Draft 1

Sorrowful Sestina
A young child is wandering and lost
Trapped in the entrails of the dark
A child crying and alone
His cheeks smeared with grime
Large hollow eyes drip with tears
Of confusion and sorrow.
Gaunt faces of the dregs are twisted in sorrow
They feel for the child who is lost
His pitiful wail moves them to tears
They watch him crouching in the dark
Longing to reach out and hold him, despite the grime
But vanishing in remorse, unable to give up being alone.
The city street is empty now, the boy is alone.
His shoulders hunch and shake in sorrow
His frail fingers attempt to wipe away the grime
But his hope is lost.
He sobs and falls into the dark
Drowning in his own dirty tears.
Blinking through eyelashes dewy with tears
The child sees a shadow wandering alone
A purring shadow of dark.
The cat peers up into the boys face drenched in sorrow
Sees the terror of being lost,
And starts to lick away the grime.
As a warm moist tongue dissolves the grime
The little boy stops his tears
He does not feel lost
He does not feel alone.
Away melts the worry and the sorrow
And new lights shine in the dark.
Together, walking in the dark,
Through the dust and the bones and the grime
Free of past cares and sorrow
No more falling tears
No fear of being alone
The child and the cat are no longer lost.
Now they step out of the dark
Clean of grief and grime
The sun warms the child’s happy tears.

1 Comments:
Grace,
I'm so glad some of you have taken the sestina plunge. It's such a difficult form, but it's so worth it! Yours has turned out grandly. I'm about to run off to a doctor's appt. so I don't have time to write a long comment, but don't feel slighted! There are a number of really great things going on. Instead, I'll just write a couple questions/suggestions. I noticed that your end-words are always used as the same part of speech and with the same meaning. In a six stanza poem, you run the risk of repetetiveness. There are a couple ways to avoid this. First, you can pick words that work both as nouns and verbs (or two other parts of speech) and use them as such. For instance, "smear" could be used as "across his face, a smear" in one stanza and "with wide strokes, they smear/ the paint" in another. The other thing you could play with is using similar words. It sounds like cheating, but it's not and it can work really well. For instance, instead of "grime," in some stanza you could use "grim" or "rhyme." Alone -> "a lone" or "loon." You might try playing with these sorts of things and seeing what happens. My other thought is about punctuation. Would you consider using more? A lot of people think it ruins their poetry, but in reality, it helps audiences decypher unusual word order and syntax. Consider, for instance, if someone else were to read your poem aloud. How much would he/she stumble? It's something to keep in mind. Keep up the great work! I'm missing you all madly!
-Ms. A
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